i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
