I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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