it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
