now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
