I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
