its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
