Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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