He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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