My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
