We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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