So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
