New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
