Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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