u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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