On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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