My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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