bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
