this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
