I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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