how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
