Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
