gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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