you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
