I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i love accidental penises.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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