I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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