I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
