I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
