i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
