They should really pass out barf bags in church
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
