Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
