He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
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