I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
