Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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