the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
