Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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