He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
