I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
