I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
