Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
