She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
