drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
