I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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