im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
