I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
