If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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