You're a womanizer and a bitch.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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