I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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