we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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