sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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