you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
