well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
