really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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