I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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