Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
