Duck Duck Cougar?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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