EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
