You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Randomize
